Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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