My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
