you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
