dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
