just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
