I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
