mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize