he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
