Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
