So drunk its hurt
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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