She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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