so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
