your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
