Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
