I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
BRING THE BAGELS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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