I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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