Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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