I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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