I smell stomach acid.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
