i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
