life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
