Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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