a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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