my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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