I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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