something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
