So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
