I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
