would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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