So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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