if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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