Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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