btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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