just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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