Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
