1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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