Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
