please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize