we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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