Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
