Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
