we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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