you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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