1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
