as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize