I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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