I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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