So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
