She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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