I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
