Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
