i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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