oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
