Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
