Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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