Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
