Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
