Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
