Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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