GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
