i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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