At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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