Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
