All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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