Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
