i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
