pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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