I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
