How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
